Joe Schmoe
Last Activity:
Apr 7, 2020 at 11:03 AM
Joined:
Feb 18, 2020
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161
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xp:
215
Gender:
Male

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Joe Schmoe

Level 9 (Burgler), Male

Exiles Beta Reader Citizen
Joe Schmoe was last seen:
Apr 7, 2020 at 11:03 AM
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  • About

    Gender:
    Male
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    1. Caffeinated Red Ball of Heart Palpitations Caffeinated Red Ball of Heart Palpitations

      Caffeinated Red Ball of Heart Palpitations

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Energy ball. +100 mg of Caffeine while in your inventory! Stacks with itself!

      Warning: Too many Caffeinated Red Balls can causes your body to involuntarily vibrate.
    2. Dwarven Ax of Choppiness Dwarven Ax of Choppiness

      Dwarven Ax of Choppiness

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      Chop things choppily with choppiness chopping!
    3. Broken Gloves Broken Gloves

      Broken Gloves

      Mar 10, 2020, Armor
      A set of broken gloves. Maybe if they get repaired they might give you a quest, or become part of a set.
    4. Wolframite Rapier Wolframite Rapier

      Wolframite Rapier

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      Capable of piercing the hearts of great demons, this blade refuses to melt even under the most intense heat.
    5. Adventurer's Skull Adventurer's Skull

      Adventurer's Skull

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      The skull of an adventurer who thought to steal from the wyvern's hoard. Excellent for decorative purposes!
    6. Dragon's Fire Dragon's Fire

      Dragon's Fire

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A heart-stone imbued with dragon's fire. Useful for a weapon or various alchemical processes.
    7. Wyvern Scales Wyvern Scales

      Wyvern Scales

      Mar 10, 2020, Armor
      The shed scales of a wyvern. Quite useful for making various forms of armor that protect against dragons and their kin.
    8. Monkey Tail Monkey Tail

      Monkey Tail

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      For travelers from Planet Fajita or Handsome Primate Kings
    9. Rúyì Jīngū Bàng Rúyì Jīngū Bàng

      Rúyì Jīngū Bàng

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      Every handsome person needs a 17,550 pound pole of power!
    10. Obolus Obolus

      Obolus

      Mar 10, 2020, Coins
      A silver coin used in the Skyship cities of the Exiles and Sojourners fantasy series.

      1 Drachma = 10 Oboloi = 100 Chalkoi
    11. Drachma Drachma

      Drachma

      Mar 10, 2020, Coins
      A golden coin used in the Skyship cities from the Exiles and Sojourners fantasy series.

      1 Drachma = 10 Oboloi = 100 Chalkoi
    12. Chalkus Chalkus

      Chalkus

      Mar 10, 2020, Coins
      A copper coin used in the Skyship cities from the Exiles and Sojourners fantasy series.

      1 Drachma = 10 Oboloi = 100 Chalkoi
    13. Airmen's Flying Harness Airmen's Flying Harness

      Airmen's Flying Harness

      Mar 10, 2020, Armor
      A set of leather straps around a small ballast crystal that can cause you to float, as long as the ballast crystal has energy. For those that are magi, they can charge the crystal, but it also has controls for those that can't add or remove power on their own. There are slots for containment crystals that can store extra power and a small glove that controls the ballast's power. It also has a tiny spell folded pouch that holds an emergency parachute.
    14. Worn pair of Flyer's goggles. Worn pair of Flyer's goggles.

      Worn pair of Flyer's goggles.

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A used pair of goggles that have been repaired and re-enchanted many times. It has the ability to tint when looking into the sun, as well as a series of enchantments that allow the wearer to track the winds like a zepherscope, but on a much smaller scale and with no zoom.
    15. Flask of Kava Flask of Kava

      Flask of Kava

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A small pressurized flask that is enchanted to keep it's contents warm. Kava is a common stimulant, that has a dark brown texture and tastes bitter. Xantar has added her own herbs and spices into the brew to make it more potent.
    16. Used Typewriter Used Typewriter

      Used Typewriter

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      This ancient machine will allow you entry into the Aspiring Writer Guild!
    17. Acutus Acutus

      Acutus

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      The unique blade that cuts through atoms. As featured in 'The Siege of Mettleburg'

      (Gives xp if you own it long enough.)
    18. Charlie Jindrak's Infinite Gravity Bag of Holding Charlie Jindrak's Infinite Gravity Bag of Holding

      Charlie Jindrak's Infinite Gravity Bag of Holding

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Charlie Jindrak is a lot of things. In one reality, he is a Wizard. While he would never be caught dead in a corny wizard hat, he will never be without his Infinite Gravity Bag of Holding. If you can fit it through the opening, the item becomes weightless allowing you to carry it without hindrance.

      Alas, you are not Charlie Jindrak, thus it isn't attuned to you. While you may not benefit from an entirely weightless bag in this universe, your character in Paradox Online can at least carry double their strength rating in this bag without penalties.
    19. Stat Buff Stat Buff

      Stat Buff

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Feeling down? Drinking this drink will give yourself a stat buff. Doesn't actually do anything, but transfer a few gold from your pocket to mine. But it's all in how you look at it. If this were a Pokemon, you'd buy it just because. Be the first to CATCH EM' ALL!!
    20. Unbreakable Coffee Mug of Smack Talk! Unbreakable Coffee Mug of Smack Talk!

      Unbreakable Coffee Mug of Smack Talk!

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      That's right! This magical cup sends a clear message to your target. That is, you'll hit them over and over with it til they understand the message. It works telepathically. They will understand the message, though it's unclear if the wielder will know what the message is, if the target really understands it, or even how many hits it takes to activate and get the message across.

      Limited Edition, once it's gone, it's gone.
    21. Writer's Robe of Optimism Writer's Robe of Optimism

      Writer's Robe of Optimism

      Mar 10, 2020, Clothes
      This awesome robe is made of the nicest softest bastet fur. Once you put it on, you gain the ability to write. And write you will if nothing else than a bad check because of the optimism that this Robe will bring you. +10 to optimism.

      Downside, it's so soft, it's almost impossible to take off. You'll have to spend some willpower to take it off to shower. On the other hand, you are a writer. You only need to do that once every two weeks after you've cut your grass.
    22. Bone Dragon Mount Bone Dragon Mount

      Bone Dragon Mount

      Mar 10, 2020, Armor
      Forget warded walking shoes, buy yourself a mount and you won't even have to walk. I don't even have to mention how freagin' awesome owning a Pet Bone Dragon is.
    23. AOL 6.0 CD AOL 6.0 CD

      AOL 6.0 CD

      Mar 10, 2020, Software
      The decryption code buried within the front-end software for America's first experience with a corporate owned internet will allow you entrance into a hidden sub-forum at LitRPG Forum.. Only rumors exist of The Metaverse, but you're sure this is the way deeper into the website. You count out the gold, hoping it's not a pirated or cursed version. There's this Dwarven Axe everyone keeps warning you about. It's only twenty gold. What could go wrong?
    24. Old Mac Old Mac

      Old Mac

      Mar 10, 2020, Computers
      As you bend over and peer at the screen, you wonder if the machine even works. Then you notice the familiar retro feel of the cleverly crafted hardware. (Quest: We clipped the mouse out of the photo because of where the tech came from originally. And because we needed a square image. Gold to anyone who goes to the Thieves Guild and starts a thread naming the source of the mouse technology we all use today. Well, sometimes, before we moved to our thumbs/fingers to communicate on mobile devices. Anyway, this grants access to the [Unofficial] Mac User Group in The Metaverse. It's a place for all things Apple. Enjoy your vintage Mac! (NOTE: Must also own an AOL 6.0 CD)
    25. Boots of the Sneak Boots of the Sneak

      Boots of the Sneak

      Mar 10, 2020, Clothes
      These stylish boots point out the fact you're involved in thievery, but you don't care because of the permanent +2% steal chance. Only so many pairs are available at a time.
    26. Butterfly Tattoo Butterfly Tattoo

      Butterfly Tattoo

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      In the back of the shop, @Felicity Weiss employs a halfling tattoo artist named Carnie who will carve an intricate design into your arm. She only does one tat which kinda looks like a butterfly-creature-thing.
      This will change your postbit to #D67AFB.
    27. Hashi's Chopper Hashi's Chopper

      Hashi's Chopper

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      This fine blade will turn your postbit this color --> #FAF1DE
    28. A scrap of paper A scrap of paper

      A scrap of paper

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Four numbers separated by periods (written in crayon)
      Grants access to the Doktor Urmind's Hacker Chat forum.
    29. Lich Bitch Beer Lich Bitch Beer

      Lich Bitch Beer

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A dark beer with the souls of the damned swirling in the frothy drink.

      +2 to Stamina
      +1 to Singing skill
      Disgust Alert to any paladins/clerics within ten feet.
    30. Mimic on the Beach Mimic on the Beach

      Mimic on the Beach

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A mixed drink that can be any drink you wish.

      +3 Stamina
      +5 to Singing Skill
      +2 Libido
      -1 to Speech
    31. Beholder Brew Beholder Brew

      Beholder Brew

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A kaleidoscope of effects for those needing a break from reality. Please roll a 1d10 after you take a sip for effect or one will be chosen for you.

      1- Sing like a fallen angel +3
      2- Turn into a frog, -5 to the ladies, +5 to the gents
      3- Staff of Morning Wood. Men get +5 to bulge in their pants. Women get +10 and grow one.
      4- Natural Breast Enhancement, +5 for women. +10 for men and they grow a pair.
      5- Disco Light, +4 to Dance skill.
      6- Mustache of Attraction, +5 to attract either sex with you new mustache.
      7- Mer goggles, every one looks like a mermaid, -2 for the fish smell.
      8- Wrath of the Libido- +10 to your sick perversions you animal.
      9- Lips of fortitude, +10 to your Sucking skill.
      10- Wilting Forest- can't get hard, can't get wet, you give up on your dreams and go back to law school.
    32. Broadsword Broadsword

      Broadsword

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      This basic broadsword will turn your postbit #F0C368.
    33. Ancient Sword Ancient Sword

      Ancient Sword

      Mar 10, 2020, Weapons
      This relic isn't worth much for battle or anything other than being a safe investment for your well earned or ill-gotten gold. You notice that the buyback price is actually the same as the purchase price. You take out your gold and buy one before they're all gone.
    34. Gem of Flirting Gem of Flirting

      Gem of Flirting

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      A small jewel to woo peasants who have never seen something sparkle
    35. Werewolf fur Werewolf fur

      Werewolf fur

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Great for rituals and potions! Top quality Only! (Origin: Lupus Commonus)
    36. Necklace of DrOgan ToUth Necklace of DrOgan ToUth

      Necklace of DrOgan ToUth

      Mar 10, 2020, Armor
      Because sometimes you need to show off but you are poor and weak (Made in goblintown)
    37. Rubber Kraken Rubber Kraken

      Rubber Kraken

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Dear captain, you ship was sunk by a terror of the see? Here, look at that rubber kraken! comes with spike and a free harpoon to show it who is the king of the sea!
    38. Double, double toil and trouble Double, double toil and trouble

      Double, double toil and trouble

      Mar 10, 2020, Scrolls
      Best starting pack for witches in the land (includes a free eye of Newt) is on sale today only!
    39. Golden egg Golden egg

      Golden egg

      Mar 10, 2020, Items
      Find out what it does!
    40. Long Scarf Long Scarf

      Long Scarf

      Mar 10, 2020, Clothes
      Attached to this long scarf, hidden from view except from the careful eye, you spy a key to the Tardis. Seeking adventures through time and space, you offer to buy the Fourth Doctor's scarf for a measly 50 gold. To your utter surprise, he agrees, taking it off and tossing it in your direction. (Grants access to Inside the Tardis.)
    41. Cloak of Beauty Cloak of Beauty

      Cloak of Beauty

      Mar 10, 2020, Armor
      This cool black cloak will make you the envy of all your peers. (Adjusts your Username Style!)
    42. Acutus Acutus

      Acutus

      Feb 19, 2020, Weapons
      The unique blade that cuts through atoms. As featured in 'The Siege of Mettleburg'

      (Gives xp if you own it long enough.)
    43. Eyes of Seeing Eyes of Seeing

      Eyes of Seeing

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      A pair of magical lenses that allow you to see into the world of Epic.

      Specifically, you will be granted access to the "Conor Kostick: The Siege of Mettleburg Offer" forum in the Hall of Heroes. There you will receive special instructions for accessing your free copy of the book.
    44. Orb of Scrying into Edda Orb of Scrying into Edda

      Orb of Scrying into Edda

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      A crystal ball that looks into the world of Edda. Find the forum to use it...
    45. Epic Paintbrush Epic Paintbrush

      Epic Paintbrush

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      A paintbrush that produces artwork from the covers of Epic, Saga and Edda. Purchase it and find the right forum to use it...
    46. Sword of Sands Sword of Sands

      Sword of Sands

      Feb 19, 2020, Weapons
      Featured in Human, Tower of Gates Book Two, this weapon grants you access to the Paul Bellow Guild.
    47. Wizard Hat Wizard Hat

      Wizard Hat

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      This generic wizard hat is mass produced, but the quality is nice and the price can't be beat. This will change your User Title Style. You can turn it on and off.
    48. Discarded Newspaper Discarded Newspaper

      Discarded Newspaper

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      Are you a news junkie? Information hound? Want to know the whole story? This old school newspaper will open up The Newsroom here at LitRPG Forum, for people wanting a possibly edited and easily digested summary of the week's news? Or a faster pace? With this newspaper, you can join other like-minded individuals and help shape something special.
    49. Beta Blade Beta Blade

      Beta Blade

      Feb 19, 2020, Weapons
      The hilt looks like an eye on this blade because as a beta reader, your eagle eyes are highly valued. Buy this item to let authors and others know you're up for beta reading something until it moves no more. (Adds you to the group Beta Reader. You will get a badge.)
    50. Bong Bong

      Bong

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      Will grant you access to Digital Colorado in the Metaverse.
    51. Torch Torch

      Torch

      Feb 19, 2020, Items
      A nifty torch that allows you access into the "Deep, Dark Cave" forum!