Are you suggesting that because the blurb feels too short on information to hook you in? The reason I ask is because, while it is serial fiction, it is less episodic than what you’d see in something like a serial magazine. As unlike a magazine, the online format makes it easier to read each chapter consecutively. As such, I think I’d struggle to describe things happening episode by episode, but it’s short enough now I could probably add more information if you think that would help draw people in. Vel
Is this for a book? The blurb format reminds me of something I'd see at the top of a WebToon / Tapas comic. It's probably fine for that since the entire serial only gets like 100 characters of description (only 50 of which people can see without clicking for more.) If it's for a book, esp book 1, then you probably needs to make it longer. For Example: What genre is this? Was scifi used to steal the luck or magic? Did she run to an alien planet or a fantasy realm? A minimum of genre-signals are usually recommended.
It’s for a serial web fiction of Royal Road. However, I’m not restrained by a character limit simply by audience attention span in a crowded field of free stories. I’m writing science fantasy so ironically the answers to all of those A or B questions is yes, both. But that’s an excellent point, on the site I’m posting on you set your genre and other such tags as a searchable element; consequently, it didn’t even occur to me to sign post genre signals in the blurb. I’ll have to take a look and see if there any good ways to integrate those sorts of elements. Thanks for the feedback
Hi everyone. Any advice on tweaking my blurb? It needs a refresh. Roland never wanted to be in the Army. He didn't want to be penniless either. The Army wanted him though. Roland Mellors couldn't find work. The second industrial revolution had left anyone without high-level qualifications poor and unemployed. When he tries to get just one beer to drown his sorrows he ends up in a recruitment office with an offer he can't refuse. Shattered City is a LitRPG/LitFPS story. It is the start of a series that follows Roland as he tries to fit in within the army. That army has decided to use a full immersion virtual reality game to fight its wars. He enters the game world to fight and work off his new contract. Will Roland survive in this virtual world of war or will he suffer for his entire career? Find out in this first installment of the Call of Reality series.
I think you have a lot of good pieces but you need to rearrange them to be more dramatic. Right now, the blurb is a bit clunky and dry. Try playing with the ordering of statements, the flow of your sentences, and (as always) ruthlessly eliminating repetition. For example, Roland Mellors never wanted to be in the army, but he never wanted to be penniless either. That's exactly what you were saying only the conjunction softens the break between them. When too many short sentences are chained together they get this staccato reporter's vibe. (Roland never wanted to be in the army. STOP. He didn't want to be penniless either. STOP...) (There's an old post on this concept above. Blurb Critique Thread) You might find the blurb is a tad short or terse as well. Experiment with adding one or two more hooks if you can and see what you get.
