RANT Is it just me are most LitRPG book descriptions like this?

Discussion in 'All Things LitRPG' started by MrPotatoMan, Aug 17, 2017.

  1. MrPotatoMan

    MrPotatoMan Level 13 (Assassin) Citizen

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    So I saw this book on audible today and it made me think that most book descriptions for LitRPG are like the exact same.
    its either this
    this
    or this
    I hope you can see the problem with this it tells me NOTHING about the book and if you read enough every descriptions the same so theres no draw from it being interesting it tells me a SMALL bit about the plot nothing about what the worlds going to be like or anything no introduction now here are some good intros
    What does this tell me quite a lot it tells me 1) the world, (super heroes and stuff) 2) The MCs gimmick, 3) a bit about the problem, 4) A comedic warning about some of the stuff in the book (which admittedly made me not read the book although I might still pick it up) I think you can see why this problem happens because LitRPGs have 2 worlds it stops most marketers? authors? whoever writes the blurb from talking about what actually happens in the book and its world and instead writing essentially a summary of the prologue.

    PS. Im interested to see what some of you think having never written a book I would like an authors perspective on this.
     
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  2. DJ Schinhofen

    DJ Schinhofen Creator of Worlds. LitRPG Author Roleplaying Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    I'll respond, you used the blurb from Alpha World in there so yeah.
    Honestly blurb writing for me is one of the hardest damn things to do. I want to give you an idea of the book, but not give away any spoilers. I would love to know how you would have blurbed my book, if you've read it. Maybe that would me more of an idea on how to write a better one.
     
  3. Kidlike101

    Kidlike101 Level 18 (Magician) Citizen

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    well yeah and if you got one translated from Russian they will always start with a full immersion capsule.

    But it's more about the journey to be honest, Some are written so beautifully that you can see the events unfold infront of you as you go.

    Personally I go for the ones with a different perspective (the usual Litrpg gamer one) like the Divine Dungeon series that looks at it from the Dungeon's point of view as in why would killing a Minotaur get you a helmet or a pile of gold? it's a monster, it doesn't carry that stuff! or why do you find chests in dungeons and how does loot keep re-spawning in it?

    Or the one I'm enjoying right now called Goblin's tale, which is an RPG world from the point of view of an enslaved goblin.

    I'd say check out the user reviews for the book instead of blurb, it'll give you a clear view of what's in it. I was tricked by book blurbs often enough to distrust them.
     
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  4. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Blurbs are an art form. Care to critique mine?
     
  5. MrPotatoMan

    MrPotatoMan Level 13 (Assassin) Citizen

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    I honestly dont have a problem with yours I specifically chose only the first bit because it was the first I could find as an example of a generic prison LitRPG not because the rest of the blurb in and of its self was bad
     
  6. MrPotatoMan

    MrPotatoMan Level 13 (Assassin) Citizen

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    Sure I havent read your book im not sure if thats better or worse for you.
    Dosent give much info on the book but thats fine it is a draw i do advise some mystery foreshadowing to give some reason to read on other then that the book is a LitRPG

    Good introduction tells that there are multiple MCs from outside as well as promising intrigue and fantasy.
    Only issue with this line is when you mean they stay in long do you mean they get stuck or just stay in longer then they realise?
    Life happens is a verry good draw im assuming that was intentional so points for that.

    This is nice it tells a little more about the book what I do notice is that it tells you 1) They will probably have trouble surviving 2) they will have help an items should be an important focus 3) there will be more to uncover and 4) this is a death LitRPG

    Overall summery is 7/10 not perfect but good the major problem is that some points might be confusing and while its better then most at information its not perfect the major thing I want to know is what feel the book will have will it be a Litrpg with a Marty sue MC? Will it be a group focused LitRPG with group dynamics and drama as a focus(awaken online like)? Is the world super impossible to survive in with them running around all the time or easy? and probably the most important thing WHO is the villan and where is the conflict? If a book can answer those questions it feels less risky to buy and read it if a book can answer them in a way I like then I will buy it or at least remember it and by excited when the next book comes out and reconsider getting it.

    PS. Im somewhat new to critiques so if Im doing something wrong help would be appreciated
     
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  7. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Nah, all good. It's appreciated. :)

    Do book two. Do book two! ;)

    Thanks again.
     
  8. MrPotatoMan

    MrPotatoMan Level 13 (Assassin) Citizen

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    ok this is a more advice then a full critique because they take a while
    your blurb is similar to the last one with updated information and obvious changes because its book 2 for the second book I think the blurb is definitely less important what brings me back to a book when I didn't love the last one(I think the main purpose of a book 2 blurb) that I notice you seem to lack although I never read book one so I cant tell is a promise that a previous cliffhanger will be resolved or if there are none that new action will happen as that will at least get me reading long enough to like the book
    PS. I edited my final summary dont know if you saw it.
     
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  9. CheshirePhoenix

    CheshirePhoenix Crazy Hermit on the Hill LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen Editor Aspiring Writer

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    My suggestion would be to have your beta readers or editor write the blurb, @DJ Schinhofen

    You could make it a contest with the winner getting credited in the acknowledgements page or a character name or something.
     
  10. Viergacht

    Viergacht Thunderdragon LitRPG Author Roleplaying Beta Reader Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Write the best blurb, get a free copy of the next book maybe?
     
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  11. DJ Schinhofen

    DJ Schinhofen Creator of Worlds. LitRPG Author Roleplaying Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    To do that they would need to read the book first.
    This is a really good idea. I'll toss it out to my beta readers when they get the book.
     
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  12. CheshirePhoenix

    CheshirePhoenix Crazy Hermit on the Hill LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen Editor Aspiring Writer

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    Better yet, your ARC readers. I don't imagine much would change in terms of story teasers, but better to have it done on the finished product, no?
     
  13. R.M. Prioleau

    R.M. Prioleau Literary Assassin LitRPG Author Roleplaying Beta Reader Citizen

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    Blurbs are the hardest to write. Really hard. Honestly, you are better off trying to write a synopsis of the story, then dissecting the blurb from that. And try getting help from other authors.
    There's a a popular author named Bryan Cohen who has a blurb-writing service you might want to consider, as well. http://www.bestpageforward.net/blurbs/
     
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  14. Tom Gallier

    Tom Gallier Level 15 (Guardian) LitRPG Author Citizen

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    Yes, blurbs are hard. I'd rather write a hundred books than one blurb.
     
  15. Matthew James

    Matthew James Blind Beholder Beta Reader Citizen

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    Depends on what blurb is suppose to accomplish, at first I thought your issue was with the sameness of the blurb material, real world death or social death followed by a game life, but then you jack knifed into "I want more details about the game world!" Presenting your case presented (to me) a very different case than the one you were trying to make.

    So when writing a blurb ideally the reader knows everything relevant that might hook them, but requiring first grounding that its a LitRPG story and that the stakes are simulated / virtual or take place in a hybrid game story + portal world format. "Story starts this way, then after this, it becomes LitRPG"

    Thats if the story has a more adventure or romance vibe.

    The Hobbit (first one on the Amazon search list for me, there may be better ones with a different structure)
    "Bilbo Baggins is a hobbit who enjoys a comfortable, unambitious life, rarely traveling any farther than his pantry or cellar. But his contentment is disturbed when the wizard Gandalf and a company of dwarves arrive on his doorstep one day to whisk him away on an adventure. They have launched a plot to raid the treasure hoard guarded by Smaug the Magnificent, a large and very dangerous dragon. Bilbo reluctantly joins their quest, unaware that on his journey to the Lonely Mountain he will encounter both a magic ring and a frightening creature known as Gollum."

    If the story is rooted in a pre-established setting that defines the character, then rendering the characters to what they do can get you a one sentence movie style blurb.

    "A temperamental figure skater and a former hockey player try to win Olympic gold as a figure skating pairs team." The Cutting Edge (1992)

    Add some color commentary and you've got a blurb.

    "A stage-coach bandit and his crew get transported to medieval Europe along with the Sheriff and the posse that was after them. When America's Wild West gets between Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham's blood feud, who will be the real outlaws and who the law-men after the bullets and arrows stop flying?"

    Outlaws & Lawmen + Outlaws & Lawmen = Outlaws & Lawmen.

    "An American military advisor embraces the Samurai culture he was hired to destroy after he is captured in battle." The Last Samurai (2003)

    If Spartan description doesn't convey the right tone

    "After being captured by merciless warriors, mercenary Nathan Algren develops Stockholm Syndrome and loses his way in the Far East. Brainwashed into following the dying tradition of his captors, the warrior-caste of Samurai, Nathan is released back among civilians and targeted by the rising industrialists of Japan as a sympathetic agent towards the Samurai. Beset by assassins and torn between two worlds, Nathan must choose whether to bend beneath the weight of a changing era and a long life, or stand tall and fight the tide as his new found honor demands of him. No matter his decision, Captain Nathan Algren will die as one of the last Samurai."

    Wrong tone with misleading information still conveys more of the twists and turns of the story. The bad trailer version of a blurb. 90% of the film wasn't Tom Cruise doing slow mo fights against Assassins.

    "Mercenary Nathan Algren is captured while advising the Japanese military against its in revolt Samurai warrior-caste. After suffering defeat and seeing yet more death on the battle field, Nathan finds peace in his time as a captive amongst the warriors after a life-time of war, but he does so by learning their warrior code. When released, he must navigate an industrializing Japan with a ruling class uninterested in peace with the Samurai or the warriors dying tradition. Seen as an agent sympathetic towards his former captors, Nathan is targeted by those within Japan who want to see the Samurai obliterated from history. Struggling to survive himself while trying to show that the Samurai aren't fighting for themselves, but for the honor of their nation, Captain Nathan Algren is left with no choice but to fight for peace as one of the last Samurai."

    Closer to the real story but still way over emphasizes parts of the story that are short compared to the rest.

    I have no idea what the accepted length for a blurb or back cover synopsis is, but if the goal is a hook I'd say mystery is better than boring but unappetizing. So if it doesn't render down well, the movie style single sentence summary + enticing but not misleading fluff would be more likely to work.
     
  16. CheshirePhoenix

    CheshirePhoenix Crazy Hermit on the Hill LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen Editor Aspiring Writer

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    I'd put the acceptable length of a blurb right at one standard page. At a minimum, a long paragraph.

    Introduce a character quirk and one of the main conflicts or themes of the story with enough information to hook a reader while avoiding spoilers, like "he dies at the end". Unless your book is titled "John Dies at the End" that is, in which case I'm pretty sure the cat's out of the bag.
     
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  17. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    To sell books! ;)
     
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  18. MrPotatoMan

    MrPotatoMan Level 13 (Assassin) Citizen

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    If you really want to sell books try clickbate I bet it would work wonders although its probably hard to adapt into blurb form
     
  19. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Nah. Click bait on ads to get them to the book page maybe.

    The blurb is a special formula that's one part magic. We should start a thread with examples of good ones.
     
  20. VRRanger

    VRRanger Level 12 (Rogue) Roleplaying Beta Reader Citizen Aspiring Writer

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