Discussion in 'Works in Progress' started by Paul Bellow, May 25, 2017.
At the editor, but I'd like to get people reading the SIXTH draft. Any takers?
@Beta Reader ...
Congratulations! I'm looking forward to reading it and the timing is just right, because I've finished the books I brought back with me from Kerala.
Still open. Thanks!
I can take a crack at it - is it on google docs?
25% read. It's really good. For me, it has the right balance between raising questions that create tension and answering them.
Trying to calibrate some feedback I got from a writing group that I suspect was mostly not worth the time (though with a handful of exceptions), but I want to doublecheck that against some actual readers in the genre to make sure I'm not just being arrogant. Plus, I doubt this was actually a flawless masterpiece and if the feedback I got from them was indeed mostly junk, then I'm still in need of legit feedback from actual LitRPG readers. Link is here, and if I've Google Docs'd correctly, people should be able to leave comments on the document, or PM them to me, or whatever. Thanks in advance.
I’ve also got room in my substantive edit queue if you’re looking for an editor. If I have time though, I’ll try to take a look at it.
I'm always happy to give comments, but I think I will be a horrid beta reader, since I have very specific tastes, and I find that my opinions go against the masses most of the time so you'd better not listen to me
I have some thoughts and I'm not sure if I should PM. First of all, if there are no numbers, I'd recommend classifying it as GameLit, since some people are all "No numbers! Not LitRPG!" Also, might help to capitalize ability names? Let me know if you'd like further comments
More thoughts are always welcome. Both in general, and because my main goal here is to see if actual readers hit upon any of the same criticisms that I'd received from other writers. I suspect you won't, and it's important to know if I'm wrong. You might not be the perfect, Platonic ideal of a LitRPG reader, but if you read LitRPG, you are a part of the target audience and your feedback is valuable.
Re: Editing, I'm definitely not going to turn down an editing pass. I don't usually bother asking for that until I've got a finished first draft rather than just a fragment, but I doubt it'll hurt to get some editing done early.
ETA: Re: Numbers, I keep going back and forth on this. As a veteran MMORPG player, Lilitu should not be registering the individual numbers. She shouldn't be reading Maric as being reduced to exactly 62/100 health, because in the middle of a desperate battle the exact numbers are white noise and she knows it. She's not going to notice hit point totals anymore than she's going to notice exactly how many stalks of wheat are in the fields. Sure, that information is hypothetically within her field of view, but it's not really part of her experience. What matters is that Maric has slightly more than half his health bar left, that Tristan's is depleting slowly but steadily as Maric whittles him down, that her own takes an unnervingly more rapid plunge whenever Maric starts cutting her up.
But at the same time, there's no denying that they're an entrenched genre convention. Plus, the job of the first chapter is to signal what's to come (there's a reason why I blitz towards the confrontation with Maric - Lilitu figuring out how to use new abilities in a clever way to beat what looks like overwhelming opposition is pretty much the hook), and it's worth signaling at some point that whether or not I'm bean counting exact hit point totals, this is still a book where characters have actual character sheets with actual data on them, and while there's no moment-for-moment accounting of health, there are damage ranges and hit point totals, the fight scenes do rely on them, and there are sometimes passages where Lilitu will think something like "banefire does an average of 88 damage at this level, minus about one quarter for the baddy's holy resistance, which means I do 66 damage per strike, and I can spam it four times before I need to wait on regen, which means I do a little over 250 damage before I'm dry. He's got 400 health, so I need some way to shave another 150 off of him without taking any hits I'd need to heal using mana I need for banefire, or find some way to kite him long enough to regen enough mana for six or seven total strikes."
Ah, I thought you were posting a finished draft, not just an excerpt. Gimme a bit for my brain to recharge and I’ll take a look at it.
Greetings everyone! I'm in need of beta readers!
I'm not very familiar with beta readers but I am ready to experience some criticism that can help me improve. My web novel currently has 70k words with an end nowhere in sight, just as I like. I've worked on a comprehensive scene list that has been able to help me identify weak spots, plots, chapters and moments, and will help me with planning going forward, but I need help as to where I should focus to fix/improve. General feedback on RR has been scarce. To anyone that can help me, my gratitude and time will be yours. I'm in no rush and very willing to wait and work around any schedule. I don't mind slightly harsh criticism either!
*Cast: Summon Beta Readers*
@Beta Reader @Beta Reader @Beta Reader
*Ominous drums beat in the distance*
Just general advice here, not having read your writing, but not having at least a firm idea of where you want things to end is a good way to create plot holes, abrupt endings, cliffhangers, or huge asspulls and deus ex machineguns. At the 70k mark you should be starting to tie off story threads and move toward a climax and resolution. Hell, it wasn’t so long ago that complete novels were clocking in at 80k!
I do developmental editing, if you’re interested in that then drop me a PM and we can hash something out.
These are good beats to always hit to avoid deus ex machineguns (heh)...
First Turning Point
Dark Night 1
Second Turning Point
All Hope is Lost
Dark Night 2
Closing Scene (refer to opening scene)
Sorry for the late reply, I am very interested, will pm you soon! It's good advice, I'm not completely sure where the cut off for a book would be in my story as it is more in the lines of oriental style web novel with short chapters. I know the general plot, what the characters want to do, what is happening around them in the world and a general flow, but I'm not sure how they will get there until I get into the character's mind and write it out. That is why I'm very thankful for any developmental editing!
I literally had a Deus Ex Machine Gun as a boss.
It was awesome.
Hello, I've come from the Facebook group.
Looking for someone to read Black Dove Reports based on my book, and possibly excerpts from my first book.
Thanks for being here! Hope I'm in the right place.
Thank you! I'm glad someone said it. I'm never looking at numbers when I play, I'm looking at "how much bar is left". And when I'm in a group, I'm not even looking at my bar; I trust my healers to do their job.
I only have an introduction that's somewhat polished and I really need beta readers familiar with the genre. (The ones I had weren't authors or fans of LitRPG). So far what I've gotten is that it sounds more Gamelit instead of LitRPG, but I'd still like to know if this is something that would bore you instantly or make you want to keep reading.
My WIP is about a gamer who used to play the game for fun but ended up using it to earn real world money after her home is flooded and she's forced to relocate with her family. She gets a pass to test the latest immersive VR tech which she has never experienced, and participate in an in-game tournament with a prize that could change her life forever. But to win, she must learn how to play the game again, and join forces with other players.
Sorry for the terrible blurb, but I haven't really thought out everything yet so I'm keeping it vague for now.
New blurb (it's too long, but it's still a WIP)
In the real world, Ara Vera is threatened by several monsters she can't defeat, whether it's being displaced by a natural disaster or the throes of poverty that threat to tear her dysfunctional family apart. To survive, she retreats to Chaosworld, a virtual reality game where she runs an underground crafting empire that helps her earn real, desperately needed cash. As Stormborn, an elfin mystic who wields the power of lightning and death itself, the virtual monsters she kills are merely means to an end.
To commemorate the launch of a new, more immersive Virtual Reality hardware, the company behind Chaosworld launches an in-game tournament with a prize that could change Ara’s life forever. If she wins.
But this time, her opponents aren’t only virtual monsters. They’re the players who rule the kingdoms of Chaosworld and hunt those like Ara who bend the economic rules of the game. To defeat them, she must revive old pacts and recruit the help of former allies. She must face foes she once thought of as friends, and as the line between what’s real and what’s not begins to fade, the tournament becomes a fight for freedom, for justice, and most importantly, for love.
Cast: Summon @Beta Reader !
Blurb is important. Keep working on it.