Steam Whistle Alley coming soon!

Discussion in 'Works in Progress' started by Joshua Mason, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    Hi y'all. I'm about 30000 words into my first novel, and I put the first three chapters up on Royal Road as I really could use some feedback from people who enjoy the genre. I'm entirely new at this writing thing, and while I think I got the grammar and formatting down, I'd really like the opinions of you lot instead of my friends and family, who are biased of course.

    Let me know, here or there, what you think! It's an RPG in augmented reality, set in the near future in the great city of Seattle. The first three chapters are mostly lead in, but I enjoyed writing them. Might put the fourth and fifth up too if people want them.

    Anyway, here's the link:

    https://royalroadl.com/fiction/16103/steam-whistle-alley-an-adventure-in-augmented

    Thanks again!
     
  2. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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  3. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    Yep. Twelve chapters are up, at about 36 k words, averaging about 3000 a chapter. Early reviews have been pretty good, seeing as I'm just throwing them up there after the wife double checks them.
     
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  4. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    Josh cleared his throat. "However, I don't think anyone from the forums has read it yet, " he said, with a hopeful expression.
     
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  5. Robert Medmenham

    Robert Medmenham Level 7 (Cutpurse) LitRPG Author Citizen

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    Great cover, though it does rather suggest a female MC. Some readers might feel misled. Since the MC's gender isn't specified until he speaks with the butler, they might also be confused!

    I've read the first five chapters and enjoyed them. Interesting setup.

    One thing I don't like so much is that you have several large chunks of exposition/description. Some of it's cleverly done - such as the scanning head giving us his back story - but I still prefer my infodumps in smaller dribbles. I actually wonder if we need all this information anyway; as it stands, I've read five chapters and the MC still isn't playing the game. Some LitRPG fans might not be willing to wait that long.

    So if it was me, I'd do some pruning. Get to the game more quickly and drop in things like backstory over the course of the book. But that's largely personal taste, I'm sure others will disagree.

    Congrats on what you've done so far, looking forward to reading the whole thing once it's done.
     
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  6. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    Thanks! Yours is the first feedback I've got from this forum. I hope to wrap up the novel in the next couple weeks if you're interested in beta reading the full thing. Iagree with you on the backstory. I found myself thinking the same thing... there is a game eventually, I promise. I just couldn't figure out what needed to be cut in those first few chapters to get to it quicker. I already cut down on a lot of the class descriptions in the creation chapter - so much that I find myself forgetting about some of the classes later on in the book. Once I finish I'll go through and hack at everything and fix a few things. Right now everything's going up after a couple read throughs by my wife.
     
  7. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    Yeah I agree, but I can't bring myself to cut her out. I like her, she's my clickbait. I'll try it again with another pic I have that looks more like my MC.
     
  8. CheshirePhoenix

    CheshirePhoenix Crazy Hermit on the Hill LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen Editor Aspiring Writer

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    There’s not enough female protags in the genre. Have you considered gender-swapping? Apparently a lot of people out there get butthurt when the scenes on covers don’t appear in the books, or are misleading.
     
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  9. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    I've written too much to go through and gender swap the MC at this point I think... easier just to change the cover :) Plus I've grown quite attached to him. I'm not opposed to a female MC. Nobody can put themselves in the mind of a twenty-something woman like a 43 year old man, but I think I'll wait for the sequel.
     
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  10. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    77000 words in the books, and a custom cover on the way. If you're interested in beta reading, give me a shout. I've had blessed little feedback so far, but its generally been positive. I'm hoping to be done mid march, and be through my first self-edits by April. Link in my signature.
     
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  11. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    The first draft of Steam Whistle Alley is finished, and I'm furiously editing the thing to get it out to my patient beta-readers, and then sending it off to @CheshirePhoenix if he's still interested. Hoping for a late april release. I've got an ISBN for it and a library of congress number in the works, and I'm going to be selling the paperbacks through a chain of local bookstores up here called Third Place Books. I've got a guy working on a map and a couple illustrations, so things are coming along nicely. The cover for book two is being worked on as we speak. The editing is a pain though... the thing about pantsing is that you create so many potholes you have to go back and fill. For book two I think Im going to finally bite the bullet and figure out scrivener. Thank you to everyone here who has helped along the way, and @Paul Bellow for making me feel welcome here.
     
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  12. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Congrats. Always good feels.
     
  13. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Scrivener is a bit tough to get your head around at first, but it's helpful. I know of a few good videos (if they're still up), that I can dig up if you want.
     
  14. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    @Paul Bellow Sure, that would be helpful. I found a couple on youtube, but then went back to the warm comfort blanket of Word.
     
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  15. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Pretty sure this is the one I remember being good.



    Under an hour. Good overview.
     
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  16. Paul Bellow

    Paul Bellow Forum Game Master Staff Member LitRPG Author Shop Owner Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    After it's all set-up in Scrivener, I export it as an epub and go over it with Sigil (freeware) to spruce it up. At least that was my OLD method. Heh. Good luck. I'm here if you have any questions.
     
  17. Gryphon

    Gryphon Level 18 (Magician) LitRPG Author Citizen

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    Scrivner 4.0 is coming out in about a month. It's supposedly a lot more user friendly.
     
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  18. Joshua Mason

    Joshua Mason Steam Whistle Alley LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen

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    Well, it's out with the copy editor at Dominion Editing. One more read through after I get it back, then it's going wide and on Ingram Spark. I have a chain of bookstores out here in Seattle that's going to carry it, even have a reading and signing lined up for early August. It took longer than I was hoping, as I finished the first draft almost two months ago. I dunno how some of you people churn em out. Guess I need to find editors with better turn around times. Anyway, book two's about a third done, if I can stay away from the naughty side project I've been working on. Thanks again for all the help, forum peeps.
     
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  19. CheshirePhoenix

    CheshirePhoenix Crazy Hermit on the Hill LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen Editor Aspiring Writer

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    I know an editor with good turnaround time ... heh.
     
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  20. Gryphon

    Gryphon Level 18 (Magician) LitRPG Author Citizen

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    Grats
     
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