Aren't blurbs usually in 3rd-person? Maybe: " To [MC's name], who is [describe bad rl situation], the promise of eternal youth and life in Everlast Online sounds like everything they have ever wished for. That is, of course, only until they discover how dangerous and painful the actual process of respawn is. To make matters worse,.... Now MC must choose between going back to face the horrors of rl (?) or quickly adapt to their new powers to ... (do something a bit more concrete in the digital realm?). But between .... " (And is it 'masochists' and not 'sadists'? Since if someone's a masochist they probably won't be much of a problem to the MC.) Sorry... low on sleep... but something like that?
Ha, you're right about masochists/sadists! That's pretty funny actually. I can't believe I didn't catch that the first couple of times I looked at it. I have no idea if they are normally written in third person, I wrote it in first person because the book is written in first person.
Sorry to arrive late. Flooded basement collides with hosting Thanksgiving for major mess. Looks like @Windfall really nailed a good pattern. The job of the blurb might appear to be to educate the reader with your hooky content, but really it's to give them a sample of the experience they'll have when reading your book. If that experience is good and they are curious for more, then gold. Content is just another hook to this end, which is why most blurbs introduce the MC before showing their want and then up-ending it with no resolution, thus leaving the reader hanging (buying the book). For example, here's my take on it. Haha for what it's worth - I talk a good game but I suck at blurbs too. Though, to my credit, I don't know enough about the book to have all the parts needed to craft this thing. Blurb. "Who'd have thought that immortality would come with a EULA and an NDA? Well, beta-testing human-digitization does and if I had had anything left to live for, I'd have said, "hell no." Instead, I handed over my crap life for a new digital one and hoped that Everlast Corp would handle my eternity with the gravitas and benevolence it deserved. They did not. My new home is now the world of Alderoth (TM) and it's a flaming poo-bag of sadists, slavers, supremacists, and one very trollish elf. Though that last one is not their fault. I suppose the whole thing wouldn't be so bad, except that the re-spawn system is "painful." On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd rate it at you-might-go-mad-so-never-ever-die. I just hope that I can stay sane long enough to master the new rules of my reality and climb to the top of this mad-house. Because there's no going back..."
Thanks for your input! I hope you were able to get your basement problems resolved and that Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.
Thanks! I'm all good in the end. I saved my basement and still managed to pull off Thanksgiving. Now it's time for me to go jam on a new diablo 3 seasonal char. Cheers!
Hi everyone. I hope you're all good. I wrote a litrpg novel that happens in the real world (there are stats and items that can improve your attack, defense, that sort of stuff) I just sent the book to my proofreader and the only thing left is the blurb. I'd appreciate any help. Born in a word where people receive powers and can see each other's stats due to a chip, Alec never asked to be a fire sorcerer. Much less to have grown up in a poor city where death is people's best friend. So when he wins an annual tournament and gets invited to the prestigious Drexus academy to develop his powers, he leaps at the opportunity. He has no idea what danger awaits him there. When the academy is attacked and the director is brutally murdered, Alec and his friends find themselves on a mission to deliver a letter to the city of Relics, where someone—they do not know whom—will be waiting for them. The road to Relic is fraught with unforeseen disasters, and it will take every ounce of their strength, courage, and ingenuity to over them. But there are others who seek out Alec and his friends. The dark and mysterious Reapers, a group of nefarious researchers with their own reasons for pursuing them, will stop at nothing until they capture the group of friends. And they know exactly where to find them.
My first thoughts are, 1. I like that he never asked to be a fire mage. 2. I really want to know more about the chip. That's a huge hook right there and it really deserves more words. 3. I wouldn't add the part about the Reapers. The blurb naturally ends on "and ingenuity to overcome them." There's no real room for more. If you want to mention them, work them into the main blurb instead. (Edit: Sorry, I didn't mean to be so terse. I was just trying to sneak in some forums-ing between family events.)
Thank you a lot for your help. I changed it a fair bit. Should I focus more on the chip part? Alec never asked to be a fire sorcerer. Much less to have grown up in a poor city where death is people's best friend. Born in 2150 in a world where people receive powers and can see each other's stats due to an unknown chip implanted at the age of 15 he never thought he would get past his thirties. So when he wins an annual tournament and gets invited to the prestigious Drexus academy to develop his powers, he leaps at the opportunity. He has no idea what danger awaits him there. When the academy is attacked by the dark and mysterious Reapers, Alec and his friends find themselves on a mission to deliver a letter to the city of Relics, where someone—they do not know whom—will be waiting for them. Colleagues and friends are killed and captured but there's no time to cry over their demise. The road to Relic is fraught with unforeseen disasters, and it will take every ounce of their strength, courage, and ingenuity to over them.
For what its worth I really like your concept, it's an intriguing take on the genre. Here's my crack at this thing, though take it with a grain of salt since I'm definitely not an expert at these things: Alec never asked to be a fire sorcerer but he was born into a world where people receive powers and can see each other's stats due to a chip implanted at the age of 15. Aside from the wonders brought on by this chip it also brings terrible dangers for Alec. So when he wins an annual tournament and gets invited to the prestigious Drexus academy to develop his powers, he leaps at the opportunity. He has no idea what danger awaits him there. When the academy is attacked and the director is brutally murdered, Alec and his friends find themselves on a mission to deliver a letter to the city of Relics, where someone—they do not know whom—will be waiting for them. The road to Relic is fraught with unforeseen disasters, and it will take every ounce of their strength, courage, and ingenuity to over them. I like your bold part, the chip, and the paragraph about the academy under attack. I hated this sentence: Much less to have grown up in a poor city where death is people's best friend. It comes off as clunky and as a reader it makes me worry that the book will be clunky too. Why is death a person's best friend? because of the rest of your blurb makes it seem like he'd want to avoid death. That's my two cents I hope it goes well for you when you publish your book.
That's much better, though the prose is pretty clunky. I think that David's version really cleaned up the dramatic flow of the blurb a lot. In particular, the line, "Colleagues and friends are killed and captured but there's no time to cry over their demise" is disjointed sounding from the rest. You could probably cut it and not miss it. But if you really like it, then it needs to be worked in better. It's hard to teach prose...but try putting the whole blurb in the following format, 1st Paragraph (catchy intro stuff) He has no idea what danger awaits him there. 2nd Paragraph (make us curious as to the conflict and doom which awaits) I'm not proposing this as a hard rule, the-way-it-has-to-be, or even the final form your blurb should take. I just think that if you try to make two good-sounding paragraphs, your prose will get smoother and more dramatic. (BTW, you might have the same problem I had when I started writing and this is how my wife Rachel made me fix it. I can tell b/c weird multi-line formatting tends to be a tell for when the author is having trouble making everything flow together properly.)
Sun Wukong spent years grinding in World of Chevaliers. 888 levels later, she is no closer to the endgame. Frustrated, she takes a break to explore the gameworld for the first time. But then her pet dragon, Baphomet, is savaged by a greater dragon, Xifanglong— a tyrant who has slaughtered countless heroes and brought disaster and the worst criminality unto the land. Sun's plan is to find Xifanglong and whoop his ass. But before she can take off, a wandering bodhisattva requests that she take a miraculous boy under her wing. Orphaned by Xifanglong, this Miracle Boy is prophesied to become a hero if he has guidance— guidance only Sun can give. Yet Sun's only desire is to kill Xifanglong, regardless of the consequences of defying the in-game prophecy. The blurb is still pretty weak. I never said anything about the 4 enemies she has to fight, all the references to the '60s-thru-'00s, the ultra '80s-fied world, the fact that when Sun originally started playing, the world was still reminiscent of the 19th century, or even the fact Sun's IRL name is Rich Stoklasa. Outside of the deadly 4 and the thematic world, I suppose that's not really important.
Here we go again. Incipere Online Book 1.5 : Login Re:Coded A world doesn’t revolve around just one heroic act, and Athos's isn't the only story on Incipere. To many, Earth just isn’t the home they want or need anymore. Leaving their names and pasts behind for life on Incipere, River and Dante have taken quite a shine to the adrenaline-fueled lifestyle of the great dungeon divers and arena masters alike. Even if the world is watching their every step now, it doesn’t matter. A new life and newfound adventure on Incipere outweighed everything else. Really, what’s not to love anyways? Slaying monsters? Awesome. Bringing foes to their knees? Satisfying. Harnessing the powers of fame and epic loot? It’s their new reasons for being. Despite everything, their most impressive feet has to be getting the world’s first divine quest and being the first publicly recognized champions of Unum. However, all that was the easy part. Every gods’ favor has its price. When everything that makes Incipere their home is put at risk by a glitched NPC program, how far are River and Dante willing to go to keep their home safe from cascading crashes and an impending system failure? Updates always bring fun, interesting new features. Don’t they?
I guess it was a matter of time before I showed mine: UPLOADED FAIRY: LA FAMILLE DE PERDU PURGATORY LES FILLES Nadine barely survives an injury from a fall, and must juggle between the desires for a life she once had and the reality of her situation. When she has the chance to beta test a new role playing game, suddenly her physical limitations are a non issue. But this introduces other problems, tied in the nature of the self.
Hi everyone. I made a few changes on my blurb. Which one would be better? 1) When Alec turned fifteen, he was forced to accept the government's implant -- a chip that grants random godlike powers and the possibility to see everyone's status. While Alec never asked for this, his fledgling fire sorcerer ability enables him to get in the prestigious Drexus academy despite his poor upbringing. Once there, it isn't long before the academy is under attack by mysterious Reapers who are looking for a very special student. Alec and five classmates are chosen to undertake a dangerous journey to seek help. Along the way through, Alec uncovers the true nature of the chips. What he discovers may save or doom them all. 2) In a world where a godly chip gives everyone's powers they're not allowed to choose and the possibility to see each other's status, Alec never wanted to be a fire sorcerer. But he made a promise to his best friend - they would both do their best to get stronger and one day save their poor city. So when he wins the annual tournament and gets invited to the prestigious Drexus academy he leaps at the opportunity. When the academy is attacked by the mysterious Reapers, Alec and five of his colleagues are thrown into a massive secret about who's really behind the chips and its true possibilities. The director asks them to run to Relics where an old powerful friend will protect them and might know what to do with the letter. He also asks them not to read it fearing they won't know what to do with the truth. Alec has to put all his doubts aside as the road to Relic is fraught with unforeseen disasters, and it will take every ounce of their strength, courage, and ingenuity to get past them.
Changed it to third person just for the blurb. I also took out the M is for mature rating at the bottom. Please let me know what you guys think of this version. Old age has taken nearly everything from Christopher Ryland. Close to death but unwilling to die he desperately grasps at the new beta program offered by the Everlast Corporation. The Beta promises eternal life in a video game, but as Ryland is soon to discover, he has more to lose than he originally thought. The corporation failed to mention that it had populated his new world with slavers, sadists, supremacists, and one very trollish elf. Alright, that last one isn't really their fault. Even worse though, every death or re-spawn sends him closer and closer to madness. He may not be able to die but that won't prevent the loss of his sanity. Now trapped in a world he doesn't understand, Ryland must quickly master his new abilities if he's to survive because there's no going back...
