Can you please evaluate the quality of translation?

Discussion in 'Sci-Fi & Fantasy Books' started by Evgeniya Dmitrieva, Sep 9, 2018.

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Would you read such translated book?

  1. Yes, i would. Translation is good.

  2. No, i wouldn't. Translation is poor.

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  1. Evgeniya Dmitrieva

    Evgeniya Dmitrieva Level 5 (Veteran) Citizen

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    Greetings!
    I'm author of serie of books in SCI-FI genre and i test translator to work with.
    Can you please read example i post below and say your opinion - how it's for you? Is that easy to read, does it seems natural? Don't you feel translation is bad?

    It's important for me to understand if translator can properly shows the details, so if any english-native (or feel language like natvies) speaker can compare the translation with original text (Russian language) - please ping me in private.

    // Circuit is the nick of one character
    Reality turned out to be different.
    Mixing profanity with diagnoses and instructions, the doctors took the horribly mangled, bloody bodies from the medics and placed them on stretchers.
    They were treating the wounded as just that - bodies, faceless damaged tools to be (or not to be) returned to duty.
    The medics, skilled and detached, immediately freed the wounded from the remains of armor and body suits, tossing the parts under foot unceremoniously.
    There the discarded items were picked up by robots and carried off to be sorted and repaired.
    All Consortium property - sentient or not - was managed with the same level of diligent care.
    Those screaming, moaning and pain or blissfully smiling in drug-induced stupor were sorted with pitiless efficiency as well.
    Cold, - one of the doctors shoved away a listless replicant body and moved on to the next, that one blowing bloody bubbles out of his mouth.
    The casualty was dragged aside to join two other similarly unlucky bastards and prepared to be packed into a bag of inert gas; nobody paid any attention to the clamoring of robots as they picked up the stripped parts of the kit - valuable Consortium property still fit to serve a new owner.
    Unlike the medics, who were accustomed to it all, the Ilydians just couldn't wall off the overwhelming ocean of human suffering.
    Circuit ended up sprawled on dirty ferrocrete and didn't even notice herself falling.
    She screamed from the pain of a myriad wounds, her eyes capturing individual frames in this horror show that was to become a kaleidoscope of nightmares forever.
    She saw the cursing medics carry a soldier burned so badly that the flesh sloughed off the bones in pieces under the medic's hands.
    Ilydian's nostrils filled with the horrifying stench of burned flesh, unlike anything else in the world - and something else, something that kept her from touching roasted meat for a long time afterwards.
    Circuit clamped a hand over her nose and retched a mix of coffee and bile.
    Not far from Circuit a soldier was sitting with his own severed right hand still held in his left, haltingly trying to explain to a doctor that it could still be sewn back into place.
    The replicant argued until the doctor slapped him across the face, hard enough to make the severed appendage fly out of the weakened hand. It thudded against the floor and was immediately grabbed by a droid, stripped of the remains of a sleeve and dragged to a container marked "Surgical waste".
    "Get those assholes out of here!" - one of the medics yelled, pointing at the befuddled Ilydians, and immediately turned to face the next patient.
    Someone grabbed writhing Circuit under the arms, yanked her up on her feet unceremoniously and dragged out of this purgatory, where those snatched from hell were carried to the altar of resurrection by angels in bloodstained robes
     
    Yuli Ban likes this.
  2. Alexis Keane

    Alexis Keane Level 14 (Defender) Roleplaying Beta Reader Citizen Aspiring Writer

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    Translation is good, as long as it maintains the same standard throughout. There is the occasional grammatical error, but that's to be expected and should be sorted by a decent editor.
     
    Evgeniya Dmitrieva likes this.
  3. Evgeniya Dmitrieva

    Evgeniya Dmitrieva Level 5 (Veteran) Citizen

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  4. Jun

    Jun Level 12 (Rogue) LitRPG Author Citizen

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    If the translation is good, of course. I like having that window into another culture.

    Some of my favorite books were originally written in other languages.
     
  5. Jun

    Jun Level 12 (Rogue) LitRPG Author Citizen

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    I just went through the sample, it sounds fine to me. Nothing screams "This is a translation."

    There are a couple of small things that could be corrected or altered, but nothing that wouldn't appear in a native English speaker's draft.
     
    Evgeniya Dmitrieva likes this.
  6. CheshirePhoenix

    CheshirePhoenix Crazy Hermit on the Hill LitRPG Author Beta Reader Citizen Editor Aspiring Writer

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    The translation is damned good, compared to the translation work on Russian submissions I usually get. I'd say you've got yourself a winner.

    You still need an editor, there's a few things I picked up on there, but the raw translation is really good.
     




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