Discussion in 'Works in Progress' started by Paul Bellow, May 25, 2017.
Sounds great. Makes me want to read it!
New here, I'm looking for beta/alpha readers to give me their thoughts on the first 3 chapters of my current WIP. It's pretty short at the moment (10k), and all I'm really after is if the hook gets one's attention, if the setup is too cliche, etc. I've hit a few troupes and the combination I'm going for, I'm a little concerned might feel derivative to the experienced reader.
I hit a few of the cliches coming out of the gate, and I'm hoping I hit them as troupes rather than cliches, but it's a pretty fine line in my experience.
I'd like to pitch it as: Dragon Riders of Pern meets Ark Survival.
There are no moustache twirling overlords, no grand evil gods to defeat, just a group of very human individuals hoping to live in a hostile landscape.
Awaking in a small town, a group of almost forty people find they have little to no memory of how they got here or where they came from and there is no one around to ask. The town is fully stocked for living, but devoid of food. Guidebooks about various classes lead the group to go hunt for their breakfast in the nearby forest. But survival in a world where animals drop coins and pants isn't that simple. Joining together is the only way they might find a way to live, when no one has anything in common except their location of arrival.
It is 3rd person limited. (3rd person isn't my preferred style but it felt right for this particular novel) The MC is a healer, because I've yet to see it done at all (and honestly, healers are my favourite class in most MMO and they kind of get stereotyped to bland pie.) And contains death, violence, gore (later), and (probably) sexy-times.
I'm expecting it will be about 70k when done. I'm also expecting to finish in about 2 months. (I am pretty quick when I'm on a roll and I want to be pitching it for the next batch of pitch contests before end of the year)
I realise that the vast majority of litRPG readership is male, so I would definitely like a guy to let me know if he's able to 'get into it.' Or why it hits the wrong buttons and when, because while I'm a female writer, I am aiming to appeal to the litRPG audience. Obviously a troupe like this one is going to annoy some readers right off the bat, and that's to be expected (you cannot please everyone) but I want to get a 'voice' that doesn't feel overly feminine or 'this isn't aimed at me' to male readers.
This is by no means my first novel, nor am I unfamiliar with the 'how-to's' of writing. But you will be seeing the early uneditted draft, so there's bound to be some grammar issues. I have incredibly thick skin, by all means be as nasty, mean and violent with the writing as you want to be. Improvement only comes through a good beating and I am used to it. Nothing blunt or thoughtful is useless to me. I am a grown up who knows that her writing isn't god's gift to the world. Improvement is hard work and no-one can see all their own flaws.
If anyone is interested, please let me know~
Cast: Summon @Beta Reader group!
From that elevator pitch, it sounds a lot like Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash.
Yeah, that is what I'm worried about from derivative point of view. I enjoyed Grimgar, and certainly, being in the genre really throws it in there. Grimgar is definitely a closer pitch, but too close I am worried. My focus is definitely not on dealing with death and loss, but survival and friendships (hence it is very 'pern-y' for the lighter focus) - theme wise, I'd like to think I'm deviating significantly--- I hope, anyway. But yeah, the comparison might be a bit of a problem. I'll have to adjust a bit to avoid the comparison, but at this stage, I'm not sure precisely what to adjust in pitch and hook to avoid that issue.
Hi! I can be a beta reader if you'd like, but I'm not an expert in LitRPG. I'm very new to the genre, but I have a background in fantasy and sci-fi (?) So the feedback I could give you is mostly about how it works *in general*, your sentence structures and character development and whatnot. Let me know if you'd like me to read it!
Awesome sauce! I've sent a PM with details~
Wow! My spell worked! What else can I do?
Can you do a barrell roll?
^ Contraband LitRPG hidden in barrels during the Great Pulp Wars of the early 21st century.
You don't need to reinvent the wheel, just attach them to different carts.
Hahahah, perfect gif form, thar!!
That is sort of my hope. That I'm on my own path enough not to fall into the hole. Even if it is compared unfavourably, there's inevitability in that, I sort of accept that. Just gotta let that flow off my back.
PAUL! You're not allowed to talk about the Pulp Wars with the ringleaders of the resis....Aw Crap.
Everyone, Look here, this is just a thread about getting Beta Readers.
3 chapters, sure I'm in.
I'm happy to read this. But I'll let you know upfront that I haven't read a ton of LitRPG and my taste is rather specific, so I'm very certain I can't speak for a great majority of the reader base.
Oops, @Thomas Davidsmeier ... this is the real thread ...
I'm looking for beta readers in about a week for the Divided Lands Book 1: Openings. I'll give you a blurb and cover in a bit.
As I'm nearing the halfway point of BASE Status: Online, I'd love to have some feedback on it.
There are currently 12 chapters live on RR (and 2 more on my Patreon).
2042-04-02 The Next Generation VRMMORPG will be released: Helheim Fallen!
Sign up NOW and win the chance to be a beta-tester!
Willow’s life hasn’t been easy. She was diagnosed as autistic at a young age and she’s been on the ‘enough to survive’ track for all her life. The only place she feels normal is when she plays VRMMORPGs on the BASE platform with her guild and close friends.
That is, until her best friend Violet gets a beta-invite for the new VRMMORPG Helheim Fallen and suddenly disappears.
Now, Willow has to follow the clues Violet left behind to find her and save her. Willow has to face her biggest fears and struggles and accidentally stumbles into a dark side of the BASE platform that she never realised existed.
Can she save Violet before more people go missing?
Send me a message if you're interested!